Lion Fish

Lion Fish, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

Ain't got nothing but

dreams, hopes and some junky toys...

I'm coming!!

I mean... It's coming!!

Tokyo Circus

Now or never...

Life is a circus

It's not about winning or losing

Let's just live fully

From Tokyo Circus

Racismo

North Head, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

A teacher from my son's school is leaving. She is an Indian and I have found her nothing but helpful and good to my son. The problem for her is that she has a thick Indian accent which can be difficult to understand.

I was talking to a fellow parent yesterday who was so happy that she was leaving. He complained that he couldn't understand her and he was angry that she hadn't made an effort to try to speak properly.

It took a lot of self control to stop myself from leaping on him and beating him to death with my bare hands. It was truly an ignorant statement and something that I constantly have to battle with.

I think the thing I hate most in this world is racism. It is a deep seeded instinct I feel, but as intelligent human beings it is something that can be overcome. There is no excuse for it.

It really frustrates me that people have to be so ignorant. I mean to believe, and he truly believes this, that she is purposely talking in her accent makes me so angry.

It is even more frustrating when people that I have to deal with on a daily basis or even friends have these attitudes about people who look different from themselves. I mean I could chew them out and beat them down, but I need to keep a good relationship with them. Just like this parent. Damn, it makes me so angry. Anger that could consume me inside.

Music

North Head, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

I am going to see the Smashing Pumpkins on Saturday night. Although the band is now only a shadow of its' former self, I was unlucky to miss them at their prime. This is my only chance to hear the music that shaped my younger years.

Everyone has music that takes them back to a different time. I am always amazed by how songs do this to me. Whether it be 'Dont' Dream It's Over' by Crowded House which reminds me of school discos and young love or 'Cold Contagious' by Bush which reminds me of my time in Korea, songs and music have this power.

I can feel myself turning into my parents. I know that one day my son will laugh that I love Radiohead. He will crack up when I talk about 2008 and the time I saw my idols, Smashing Pumpkins. And you know what? I don't care! Music is deeply personal. And these are things that are important to me.

Going Punk

Going Punk, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

I am imagination.

Dream I must.

I was tagged by CERGIE to write a six word memoir. That's right; only six words and what comes to mind is perfect simplicity.

Here are the rules:

1. Write your own six word memoir.

2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.

3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post.

4. Tag more blogs with links.

5. Enjoy

My faithful blog visitors! I tag thee... Ori, Ashley, Amy, Aaron, Clint and Matt

The Secret of the Shadow

DSC05034, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

Feel the Fear
The Secret of the Shadow
The Breakthrough Experience
Living the 7 Habits
The Success Principle
You Can Heal Your Life
The Master Key System

As I looked through the self-help books, these were the kinds of titles I saw. It strikes me that it is all about the title. Look beyond this, I can't really see why these people are qualified to tell me how to live my life. It's true that I am wondering that at the moment, but I believe more and more this lies in self-discovery, and not the messy kind.

I laughed as I saw that Donald Trump had a book out telling us how we could be rich. A man who comes from money... I think that's the general state of these people.

The Self-Help book industy must be worth a lot of money. Maybe our society, the 'Western' one, has been trained to believe that our lives need to be fixed. This is particularly apparent in the US if you watch things like Oprah or Dr Phil. People are lining up to talk about their problems and get solutions. A lot of times I wonder if these problems are really problems. And does anyone else need to know? Is it, in fact, a badge of honour to have a self-help book and show others that you are 'improving' yourself?

All I know is that I am taking a wide berth of that section of Borders from now on...

Piharissimo

DSC05078, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

My last post has me thinking a lot about where I am going.

The first thing I need to explain is that when I talked about 'payoff', I don't mean money. What I mean is more 'life satisfaction'. Family, I am happy with. Self, not so. That's why I am waiting for the 'payoff'. Something that, to paraphrase Jerry Maguire "completes me". The question is "should I wait? Should I actively seek it out?"

Yesterday, I went to the local bookshop to have a look at self help books. The image in my mind about said books is one of Dr Phil McGraw doing anything he can to show that by reading his crappy book your life will be perfect. As I scanned through the hundreds of books including Dr Phil's, I knew this was an image I wouldn't be able to shake. I just couldn't bring myself to even touch these books.

I even looked at philosophy books. For Aaron, I almost bought a Wittgenstein... Almost.

I will have to carry on my search...

Why?

DSC05077, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

I was thinking a lot yesterday about 'why?'.

Given that I don't believe in an 'afterlife' I have to wonder what I am waiting for. I like to justify my existence for two reasons. One is my son. He needs me. Therefore I have a reason to exist. However I also need to make my own existence worthwhile. I don't need to validate my existence for others, but rather I need to justify this to myself. I thought about this a lot yesterday. I am not sure why. My life, as far as I am concerned, is lived for travel. It's the reason I turn up to my job everyday and do all the mundane things I do. I do these as I wait for the few weeks a year where I get to leave this island and experience somewhere else.

I am not sure whether I am articulating this well. Sometimes the thoughts I have up here (pointing to my head) work best up there I suppose. I was thinking about people who just sit at home on the computer all day. Living vicariously through their computer. People who maybe don't even work. How do they justify their existence. Do they even need to? I guess that's the real point. As long as you are happy with the way you are living, then it shouldn't matter what others think.

One feeling I thought about yesterday was this feeling of 'waiting'. Sometimes I feel like I am waiting for something to happen. What am I waiting for? Is it the ultimate job opportunity? Is it a lottery win? What is this thing I am waiting for? Do other people have this feeling too? Do I need to stop waiting and get out there and go to this thing?

I am a strong believer in time. That is, I feel that given time, things will happen. I guess the real question for me is, how much time should be given?

Does any of this make sense? Maybe not...

What is it I am waiting for?