Everybody's Free (To Feel Good)

by my lovely friend, Kai.

1. Put your iTunes/Ruckus/Napster/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag however many friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Mary Jane

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Six Months in a Leaky Boat

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Dancing Choose

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Last Night I Dreamt that Somebody Loved Me

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
My Boner Just Died

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Razor

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
The Safety Dance

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
The Denial Twist

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Untitled

WHAT IS 2+2?
Changes

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Boys Don't Cry

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Animal Bar

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
It's My Own Cheating Heart That Makes Me Cry

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hungry Like the Wolf

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Thru the Eyes of Ruby

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Full Nelson

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Blew Job

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Got No Love

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Lozenge of Love

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Catching the High Speed Train 6

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Young Hearts Run Free

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Team Mate

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Vegetable

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Everlong

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Moth

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Sukkafish

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Philly Boy Roy

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
God is on the Radio

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
The Chippert Report

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Electrolite

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Everybody's Free (To Feel Good)

Happy New Year

Sunset, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

Dear Friends, 

I have some serious posts in mind, but I thought I should start off by not being so serious. This being 2009 and all. 2009 is special because it is the Korean year of the Ox. That's a big deal for some of us. So, 2008 was not good, but 2009 is going to be great! And because I am so generous I will let some of my fortune rub off on my dear readers. You can't ask for a better NY present than that!

Love,

San

Plane in the Undergrowth

Plane in the Undergrowth, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

So, I'm thinking with the upcoming new year it should be time to start blogging regularly again. A friend of mine made a joke about blogging. I said that social network sites like Twitter or Plurk were no place to air your personal problems. He agreed and said that should be left to blogs because no one reads them... It's probably true. I mean, who wants to read boring real life crap? Still, maybe it's kind of a therapy to put things in words and maybe people read it and maybe they don't. I wonder if I care? I probably do, truth be known. Ah, raving already...

So this year. It's been a pretty awful one really. I am trying to think of something nice to say. I met a very good friend this year. Once her blog is up and running, I will post a link here. You all have to go over there and marvel at what amazing things she will write about. Thanks for everything Bre!

Of course, Heather has always been supportive. I haven't been a good friend to you recently and for that I am really sorry. I promise to be better in the new year.

Chère Cergie! Je veux écrire en francais en ton blog mais j'ai besoin de apprendre plus! Merci beaucoup!

And to the others who still check in every once in a while. Thanks a lot. Hopefully there will be something here worth looking at?

I have a bunch of ideas running around in my head about how to get this thing kickstarted again. We'll see what happens... Still, stay tuned.

Thanks

I've Been Memed

Auckland Museum and Sky Tower, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

From Eileen, I've taken the 6th photo from the 6th page of my Flickr account and here it is.

It's my weekly walking route from my French class to my carpark. With Summer here, it's a really nice walk in the evening.

I don't know who still reads this blog!

I would like to "meme" Breanne and Matt. I'll take volunteers too :)

Back Blogging More

Auckland Waterfront, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

Yes, it's been a really long time.

I need to get back to blogging.

In my hiatus, I have been thinking of so many things to write. My life and has been in rollercoaster state... first it was right at the top. Things were amazing, I was so so happy. Then however, things got really really bad. Things aren't so great right now.

I am trying to sort through what has happened and what can happen.

In the meantime, maybe blogging again will help me in some way. We shall see I guess.

There's always pretty pictures to keep you coming :)

Under the Sea

Under the Sea from San Nakji on Vimeo.

One Day

Mangaia Kingfisher, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

I need to blog! Is anyone out there still?

Holiday

Aitutaki Lagoon, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

San Nakji has been away. He has missed you all! Blogging shall commence shortly.

Love to you all.

Death and Taxes

Praying Mantis, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

Morbid text to come

Lion Fish

Lion Fish, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

Ain't got nothing but

dreams, hopes and some junky toys...

I'm coming!!

I mean... It's coming!!

Tokyo Circus

Now or never...

Life is a circus

It's not about winning or losing

Let's just live fully

From Tokyo Circus

Racismo

North Head, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

A teacher from my son's school is leaving. She is an Indian and I have found her nothing but helpful and good to my son. The problem for her is that she has a thick Indian accent which can be difficult to understand.

I was talking to a fellow parent yesterday who was so happy that she was leaving. He complained that he couldn't understand her and he was angry that she hadn't made an effort to try to speak properly.

It took a lot of self control to stop myself from leaping on him and beating him to death with my bare hands. It was truly an ignorant statement and something that I constantly have to battle with.

I think the thing I hate most in this world is racism. It is a deep seeded instinct I feel, but as intelligent human beings it is something that can be overcome. There is no excuse for it.

It really frustrates me that people have to be so ignorant. I mean to believe, and he truly believes this, that she is purposely talking in her accent makes me so angry.

It is even more frustrating when people that I have to deal with on a daily basis or even friends have these attitudes about people who look different from themselves. I mean I could chew them out and beat them down, but I need to keep a good relationship with them. Just like this parent. Damn, it makes me so angry. Anger that could consume me inside.

Music

North Head, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

I am going to see the Smashing Pumpkins on Saturday night. Although the band is now only a shadow of its' former self, I was unlucky to miss them at their prime. This is my only chance to hear the music that shaped my younger years.

Everyone has music that takes them back to a different time. I am always amazed by how songs do this to me. Whether it be 'Dont' Dream It's Over' by Crowded House which reminds me of school discos and young love or 'Cold Contagious' by Bush which reminds me of my time in Korea, songs and music have this power.

I can feel myself turning into my parents. I know that one day my son will laugh that I love Radiohead. He will crack up when I talk about 2008 and the time I saw my idols, Smashing Pumpkins. And you know what? I don't care! Music is deeply personal. And these are things that are important to me.

Going Punk

Going Punk, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

I am imagination.

Dream I must.

I was tagged by CERGIE to write a six word memoir. That's right; only six words and what comes to mind is perfect simplicity.

Here are the rules:

1. Write your own six word memoir.

2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.

3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post.

4. Tag more blogs with links.

5. Enjoy

My faithful blog visitors! I tag thee... Ori, Ashley, Amy, Aaron, Clint and Matt

The Secret of the Shadow

DSC05034, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

Feel the Fear
The Secret of the Shadow
The Breakthrough Experience
Living the 7 Habits
The Success Principle
You Can Heal Your Life
The Master Key System

As I looked through the self-help books, these were the kinds of titles I saw. It strikes me that it is all about the title. Look beyond this, I can't really see why these people are qualified to tell me how to live my life. It's true that I am wondering that at the moment, but I believe more and more this lies in self-discovery, and not the messy kind.

I laughed as I saw that Donald Trump had a book out telling us how we could be rich. A man who comes from money... I think that's the general state of these people.

The Self-Help book industy must be worth a lot of money. Maybe our society, the 'Western' one, has been trained to believe that our lives need to be fixed. This is particularly apparent in the US if you watch things like Oprah or Dr Phil. People are lining up to talk about their problems and get solutions. A lot of times I wonder if these problems are really problems. And does anyone else need to know? Is it, in fact, a badge of honour to have a self-help book and show others that you are 'improving' yourself?

All I know is that I am taking a wide berth of that section of Borders from now on...

Piharissimo

DSC05078, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

My last post has me thinking a lot about where I am going.

The first thing I need to explain is that when I talked about 'payoff', I don't mean money. What I mean is more 'life satisfaction'. Family, I am happy with. Self, not so. That's why I am waiting for the 'payoff'. Something that, to paraphrase Jerry Maguire "completes me". The question is "should I wait? Should I actively seek it out?"

Yesterday, I went to the local bookshop to have a look at self help books. The image in my mind about said books is one of Dr Phil McGraw doing anything he can to show that by reading his crappy book your life will be perfect. As I scanned through the hundreds of books including Dr Phil's, I knew this was an image I wouldn't be able to shake. I just couldn't bring myself to even touch these books.

I even looked at philosophy books. For Aaron, I almost bought a Wittgenstein... Almost.

I will have to carry on my search...

Why?

DSC05077, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

I was thinking a lot yesterday about 'why?'.

Given that I don't believe in an 'afterlife' I have to wonder what I am waiting for. I like to justify my existence for two reasons. One is my son. He needs me. Therefore I have a reason to exist. However I also need to make my own existence worthwhile. I don't need to validate my existence for others, but rather I need to justify this to myself. I thought about this a lot yesterday. I am not sure why. My life, as far as I am concerned, is lived for travel. It's the reason I turn up to my job everyday and do all the mundane things I do. I do these as I wait for the few weeks a year where I get to leave this island and experience somewhere else.

I am not sure whether I am articulating this well. Sometimes the thoughts I have up here (pointing to my head) work best up there I suppose. I was thinking about people who just sit at home on the computer all day. Living vicariously through their computer. People who maybe don't even work. How do they justify their existence. Do they even need to? I guess that's the real point. As long as you are happy with the way you are living, then it shouldn't matter what others think.

One feeling I thought about yesterday was this feeling of 'waiting'. Sometimes I feel like I am waiting for something to happen. What am I waiting for? Is it the ultimate job opportunity? Is it a lottery win? What is this thing I am waiting for? Do other people have this feeling too? Do I need to stop waiting and get out there and go to this thing?

I am a strong believer in time. That is, I feel that given time, things will happen. I guess the real question for me is, how much time should be given?

Does any of this make sense? Maybe not...

What is it I am waiting for?

Sparrow

Sparrow, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

I had this idea to start writing a diary.

Why does one write a diary? I guess it's to talk to your inner self. It's a chance to reflect on what you are thinking in words. It seems to me that women are better at diaries than men. Is that just a sexist observation by me or is it true? I guess, if it is true, it is because women tend to be more in touch with themselves. I think that's a really good thing. If you become detatched from what and who you are then you can lose sight of where you need to be.

I started writing my diary and it really only lasted a few days. I just didn't want to talk to myself very much. I mean, I know what I am thinking anyway... Or do I?

When I was a kid I went on a round the world trip with my mum and sister. My friend gave me a travel diary to record where I went and what I saw. I can quote the contents of the diary word for word.

"Today we arrived in Japan"

After that I must have lost interest...

So I am going to try again. This time I am going to write to someone. I will impart the wealth of my knowledge to my son. Then on the second day I will write complete garbage instead. I hope my son appreciated what I will tell him

Namdaemun - Seoul

Namdaemun - Seoul, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

Namdaemun - Seoul, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

Namdaemun - Seoul, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

Namdaemun - Seoul, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

I had some devastating news yesterday when I found out that this amazing gate, Namdaemun or Sungnemun, in downtown Seoul had been burned to the ground. This place has a special importance to me and is somewhere I seek out each time I return to Korea. It was 600 years old and was one of the few monuments in Seoul to survive Japanese occupation. It turns out that some freak deliberately lit the fire as he was embroiled in a land dispute. Not sure why that gives him the right to destroy a national treasure? Anyway, the news has me very sad...

These ancient monuments are our connection with the past. We should cherish them and protect them. When America was bombing Japan during WWII, academics from across the world demanded that Kyoto and Nara be spared. Thankfully the US Military listened and many amazing buildings were spared.

Without these connections to the past, our cities, our nations, would be colourless and dull. This is why Egypt is such a huge tourist draw. People want to feel apart of the past. To be with history. It is truly one of the joys of life.

Back in 2001, the Taliban of Afghanistan decided with their less than sterling intelligence that they would destroy the Bamyan Buddhas. These huge statues of Buddha carved into cliff walls had stood unmolested for 1500 years. It took only a month for them to be destroyed. This was the last straw for me. To me, this was a crime against humanity. This UNESCO listed treasure was something owned by us all. Yet a small bunch of people decided that they could go ahead and destroy this treasure.

When the US supported the Northern Alliance later on that year in the war against the Taliban I was fully behind this. The total lack of respect the Taliban had shown the people of Bamyan, and the people of the world was too much. I continue to support what is going on in Afghanistan.

It's kind of sad that rather than the outrage of human rights abuses, it was the destruction of ancient structures got me really mad. The way I see it, our lives are but a moment, when we are gone this is what we leave. We need these things to prove our humanity.

RIP Namdaemun

Sky Tower

Sky Tower, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

I'm always on the lookout to do something heroic.

As I walk down the street I look around imagining people in trouble who need my help. Perhaps the passing woman will have her handbag snatched and I will chase the perp (that's what we call them in the biz) down and kick his arse. Maybe that guy walking down that alley will be set upon by thugs and I will rush in and beat them down. Of course, none of that happens. Never does.

On Friday as I got off the bus, I saw a group of 'youths' hanging out at the bus stop who looked like they were up to no good. I started walking slowly looking over my shoulder to see what they would do. They didn't do a damn thing. I was dying to rush over and save someone from them. But I didn't get the chance.

A couple of brushes of actual heroism spring to mind. Both of them took place in Korea.

The first one was one night when I was walking my girlfriend home one night. As we walked through a district filled with bars and restaurants, I heard a scream. I looked towards the scream and saw a guy standing over a woman hitting her with an umbrella. People were standing around watching, but no one was doing anything. I ran over and yelled at him to stop. He swore at me and swung the umbrella at me. Being as drunk as he was, his swing was pathetic. Suddenly the girl sprang up and grabbed her boyfriend and told him to stop. A friend of his who had been watching came over and told me that I should leave. The girl didn't seem to be that happy that I had helped her and I left feeling that my intervening had been a waste of time.

The second time I was on a bus heading home for the afternoon. There was a lot of traffic as it was rush hour. The bus driver was trying to pull into a bus stop, but there was a car blocking it. The driver opened his door and yelled for the guy to move away. Quick as a flash the guy lept out of his car with a tire iron and climbed onto the bus. He started threatening the bus driver with it. He hurled abuse at him and it looked like something bad was going to go down. The bus driver was being all gung ho and yelling at him to go on and hit him. I looked around at the other people on the bus and everyone was trying to look the other way. I couldn't quite believe it. I lept up from my seat and ran over to the guy. I yelled as loud as I could for him to get of the damn bus! He looked at me for a second and then said 'ok' and got off... I couldn't quite believe what I had just done. He could have easily have clobbered me with that thing, but I think I caught him off guard. I went back to my seat and the bus moved off. I don't know what I was expecting from the driver, but when I got off the bus he didn't say anything and I felt quite hollow. Like my little piece of heroism had been for nothing. No appreciation.

I see in the movies that Spiderman has the same problem. No appreciation for the things he does to save the world.

What's my point? Heroism isn't all it's cracked up to be I guess...

Tapapakanga Regional Park

Tapapakanga Regional Park, originally uploaded by San Nakji.

You act as though

You are a blind man who's crying

Crying `bout all the virgins that are dying

In your habitual dreams

You know, seems you need more sleep

But like a parrot in a flaming tree

I know, it's pretty hard to see

I'm beginning to wonder if it's time for a change

But still you try like a fat boy

Dancing Gershwin's blues

But you'd rather sit at home and watch the news

And I'm beginning to wonder if it's time for a change

I'm beginning to wonder if it's time for a change