Thursday, January 26, 2006

Who's Your Daddy?

When someone puts in for Child Support, the proper thing to do is find out who the father is and see why he is not providing support. The following are all replies that women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing the father's details. Or putting it another way..... Who's your Daddy! These are genuine excerpts from the forms.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 36 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time....well I don't have a clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

San Nakji for President!

8 comments:

Friar Tuck said...

THis is definitely linkworthy for this week.

LMAO.

The Archivist said...

How very droll.

San Nakji said...

Droll like a fox, yeah!

Ashley said...

funny!

Fahd Mirza said...

I mean, its the funniest thing I read this year sofar.

rubyslipperlady said...

I might actually wet my pants! Thanks! Oh, my belly hurts!

Oricon Ailin said...

*laughing hysterically*

Thanks SN!! I needed this laugh after the incredibly sucky day I have had.

Crystal said...

**FUNNY**