Given that I don't believe in an 'afterlife' I have to wonder what I am waiting for. I like to justify my existence for two reasons. One is my son. He needs me. Therefore I have a reason to exist. However I also need to make my own existence worthwhile. I don't need to validate my existence for others, but rather I need to justify this to myself. I thought about this a lot yesterday. I am not sure why. My life, as far as I am concerned, is lived for travel. It's the reason I turn up to my job everyday and do all the mundane things I do. I do these as I wait for the few weeks a year where I get to leave this island and experience somewhere else.
I am not sure whether I am articulating this well. Sometimes the thoughts I have up here (pointing to my head) work best up there I suppose. I was thinking about people who just sit at home on the computer all day. Living vicariously through their computer. People who maybe don't even work. How do they justify their existence. Do they even need to? I guess that's the real point. As long as you are happy with the way you are living, then it shouldn't matter what others think.
One feeling I thought about yesterday was this feeling of 'waiting'. Sometimes I feel like I am waiting for something to happen. What am I waiting for? Is it the ultimate job opportunity? Is it a lottery win? What is this thing I am waiting for? Do other people have this feeling too? Do I need to stop waiting and get out there and go to this thing?
I am a strong believer in time. That is, I feel that given time, things will happen. I guess the real question for me is, how much time should be given?