Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Makes you think

When you have a moment...

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but Then they check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

OK, stop singing and read on . . . . . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive any faster?

San Nakji for President!

4 comments:

Cergie said...

I prefer poetry than philosophy

rubyslipperlady said...

Such a post as this is just one of the reasons that I would vote for you for president of something.

SUPER said...

This is hilarious. I think my favorite one is: Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

That's good stuff! You should indeed be President of something!!

The Archivist said...

1. Because people think babies sleep quite deeply for those two hours.

2. No. It's called a seeing.

3. We are trying to squeeze a bit of juice from those batteries as we know the batteries aren't completely flat; they just don't have enough combined power.

4. It is something we can confirm ourselves.

5. For the same reason you will cure a person of an illness and then sentence him to death by hanging.

6. Because then his name would be Sbarzan.

7. A revolver can knock Superman unconscious.

8. Because you can't fly a plane without one.

9. It was Mendoza's.

10. The speed of darkness is unknown, however, it is known to be faster than light. How much faster is impossible to calculate, as no one can read the instruments in the dark.

11. Yes.

12. They too, are helping others.

13. Bad research funding.

14. Henry the Eighth.

15. For completeness.

16. People piss in the fridge by accident, not the freezer. Therefore, the light tells them it's not a toilet.

17. Because they would fart loudly if they did.

18. Goofy is sentient.

19. Blind people dream in smells, feels and sounds.

20. Testicles. Duh.

21. Morality comes from morals.

22. Because the same person wrote them.

23. No.

24. This is because there are dumb dogs.

25. It arrives a fraction of a trillionth of a second faster.