Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Stella Awards

It's time once again to review the winners of the annual "Stella Awards."

The Stella's are named after 81-year old Stella Liebeck... who spilled
coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired
the Stella awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United
States. Here are this year's winners.

5th Place (tie):

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of
her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running
inside a furniture store. The owners of the store we! re understandably
surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was
Ms Robertson's son.

5th Place (tie):

19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses
when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda
Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the
wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbour's
hubcaps.

5th Place (tie):

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had
just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the
garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He
couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and
garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.
Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days.
He subsisted on a case! of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog
food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him
undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place:

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical
expenses! after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour's
beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award
was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a
little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence
into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place:

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,
Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her
coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had
thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place:

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night
club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton
was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge.
She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place:

This year's run away winner was Mrs Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,
Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago
motorhome.On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven
onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the
drivers seat to go into the back make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the
RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago
for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do
this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company
actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case
there were any other complete morons around.


San Nakji for President!

13 comments:

minty clorets said...

hahahaha
God bless America!!

San Nakji said...

Ain't you proud?

minty clorets said...

Hell yes! (if i don't say yes I would be labled as "unpatriotic", "anti-America" and detatined by the feds)

San Nakji said...

But by saying Hell you are definitely anti-Christian... I think you will be detained anyway...

minty clorets said...

hahah that reminds me of this incident that happend last week. I was at a local star bucks for a cup of hot coffee and to check out this very cute person working at the counter. Anyway, I was putting some sugar in my coffee when this elderly gentleman came right next to me and said something like "soon bush will make it illegal for people *under 21 to drink coffee.." haha that cracked me up because it isn't so far fetched...
*I look young for my age..;d

San Nakji said...

Me too. I look at the most 47... *sob*

minty clorets said...

aww come on, you shirely look no older than 46..;d

gahh i hate this word verification..sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't..freaking no good google..

San Nakji said...

Gee thanks Minty... grrr

Verification keeps the no hopers out. Are you getting hints there?

minty clorets said...

yeah I see the hint picture fine, it's just that sometimes even when I type in
the correct words, blogger seems to think I typed in the wrong words and make me type in again..stupid beta product!
Guess it can't be helped since the verification process helps keep out those spammers who are attracted to awsome and popular blogs like san nakji's!! ;d

San Nakji said...

Well, that is true. I mean the traffic here on any given day must reach two or three!

minty clorets said...

well that's 2 to 3 times more than my site traffic ;b

San Nakji said...

Well, you need to update more! That's the key to such large numbers as I have!

The Archivist said...

5th place with Robertson is funny!!

But first place takes the cake!!